Busy Bee

        In this new year, I will try my hardest to follow what's best for me. I have to fix my insecurities and speak out more. 2010 was allabout others...but that doesnt mean i'll be selfish, ijust need to focus on whats best for me so I continue to fulfill my dream.

Speak

To live with such sorrow, hurts. But to live with such sacrifice, hurts the most. So, in which direction should we go forth? There's only one way, to look up and see that everything is not what it seems. The day will come when hearthaches become joys and tears of sadness becomes pure love. "Patience is a virtue" they say. But when does it end? When does it actually start? Time wont wait, it has its own life to live. No one seems to understand, you may seem. The muteness creates confusions. Judgements are easy to make. Reality is ignored. Why must anyone care, you ask? Because share of truthfulness and joys, you show. Confused? Ask. Dont be judgemental if you are ignored. The creation of stone has formed. Time will tell loudly. Live life happy. Live life accomplished. Live life the way you had made your path. Look for direction, but it may not be easy. Trust yourself. Guidance of another may not be so great, when such darkness fill their hearts with hatred and jealousy.

My Old Fears

Mother, I love so dear,
I grew up with so much fear.
A father who drank all night,
Run away, I just might.
A promise I hold for you,
One day I will proud you.

Fear I face everyday,
This I should keep all day.
Judging is so easy for most,
Deal my cards, yes it's a toast!
Life is what you make it,
Who is this, I cant fake it.

You say, my love is pure,
But you, i cannot cure.
Your heart's broken, you say,
Let me repair it, this I may.
No more tears, I hope,
For in fear, I feel like dope.

Reasons for Silence

See, here's the thing you gotta understand,

If I tell you all, you might not stand.

Hear all hearts that would shatter,

But would that really matter?

You lied to me, you tried not to show,

But that's something i already know.

I have lied to you too,

Cuz I have no care for you.

But that's a little too late,

Because you've set your bait.

I got caught in your game,

Isnt that a shame?

Simple Thoughts of You

I wrote this back in October of 2010. I met a younger fellow and I believe I had cared for him in the beginning. But when things starts to surface and the darkside started to reveal itself, according to him, he's a bad man, but not to me, unless he's hiding it. He did confess to me that he is seeing other women, it's fine. It hurts, but I shouldnt care. Well, anyways, i'll tell more about this youong fellowon later posts, but for now, here's somehting about him. Enjoy!
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Just some simple thoughts i  used to think of Night Rider(myfriendcallshimthat)... I just wanted to share. I could be wrong, but atleast im putting this out there. I could be laughed at but hey, who knows, someone might be needing some laugh. Here it is.

Your sweet smile warmth my heart,
Your smart thoughts i think it's an art.
Your touch i have forever long,
Your sweet voice is like a song.
Your delicate sexy body broken,
Your pure love is like a gold token.
Your rough hands means work,
To me, you were never a Jerk.
You speak truth and justice,
Your words are about toughness.
You linger with sweet smell,
Your disguise i knew so well.
I always thought kindly of you,
Some bad thoughts a thing or two.
I've always found you interesting,
Your words to me were so limiting.
Speak to me, this i ask from the begin,
To have all of you is such a sin.
I haulted the belief of your words,
Honesty, i wished i heard.
"No, you're not the one" you say,
I felt shame and so dismay.
I knew you were better than worst,
You stare like you hunger for thirst.
I never asked for anything from you but to speak,
I wished you would, even just a little squeak.
We shared dark secrets here and there,
Time was always short and was so unfair.
I'm letting you go, because you are not mine,
I fell inlove with the good, this i dont decline.
I fell inlove with the bad, the good, and the ugly,
I just wished you never hid, this you should agree.

The Silent One?

-I hope it sounds ok. Let me know if it needs corrections. I wrote it Dec 2010.)

(It's been awhile since the last time I tried to write a poem. I do this to let go some frustration and actually tonight, this one, I think, is my best one yet. lol Even though I think it sounds really terrible, but that's just my insecurities. Let me know if you like it, or any suggestions. :))

Never know when it ends,
Or when it will start.
Hearing lies as it bends,
This I am a part.

To utter a single peep,
Is like a razor sharp cut.
Scars forever shall keep,
Like a punched gut.

Truths spoken here,
Tears rolled down.
But none can hear,
My untold frown.

A kind Hearted?
Or a dark side?
Cant wait to be departed,
A place from hide.

Torn between three,
One has a ring.
Two has a tree,
Third a friend could bring.

Time to fly,
No eyes sets.
No tears to cry,
From unkind, forgets?